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Fedex, learn to email better

Fedex should send better emails. Check out this email I just got from their "No Reply Return Manager":

fedex-email2.png

Here's the experience of reading the note:

• It starts by yelling my name. Hello back at you, NO REPLY RETURN MANAGER!

• After hello comes the customary "G31Z8Y25." I always like to say that when I meet someone new.

• Then, assuming I haven't deleted this or marked it as spam after the yelling and the robot-Klingon, "Please access FedEx Online Label to ..." something something something. Are you sure this isn't spam? At best it appears to be a waste of time so far.

• Forcing myself to continue reading: "...to process your return." Right, process my return, right, sure... oh wait. You mean the widget I bought from Acme Corp, that was defective and I'm sending back - this has something to do with that?

• The instructions continue from Fedex's perspective - how to use their app, what to do if their app doesn't work, etc. etc. ...

• But I think I've figured it out: Fedex is writing me on behalf of Acme, which has requested that I send back the widget. This email lists instructions on how to print out a mailing label to Fedex the widget back.

And that, my friends, is how the email should have been worded. To write a proper email, lead with the hook - the main idea - and explain it from the customer's perspective.

Let's try it again. Here's a very quick rewrite:

From: no-reply@fedex.com (FedEx returns department)
To: Mark Hurst
Subject: Please print a shipping label for your return to Acme Corp.

Hi Mark,

Acme Corp. has asked us to help you print out a shipping label for your product return.

To get your shipping label, click this link, or paste this address into your browser:
http://www.fedex.com/example/example/123abc

If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-676-2775.

Thanks,
Fedex Returns Department

P.S. Please don't reply to this email. But feel free to call us if you have questions!

That took me five minutes. Lead with the hook, and repeat it in the Subject line; make the language clear, concise, and customer-centered; and then end the note as soon as possible.

(See more in the "Creating Bits" chapter in Bit Literacy. Fedex, get some copies of the book to pass around the office!)


5 Comments:

game kid — Aug 22, '08 — 3:02 PM

Dismal, FedEx, dismal.

If they really needed that "G31..." number/code/gibberish, they could've hidden it in an "X-Inventory" header or something, or put it in the bottom after the message. If the customer is supposed to keep that code for some reason, they should say "If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-676-2775 and have service code G31... ready", but even that seems ugly to me.

Otherwise, your fix is spot-on. FedEx's email, not so much.

David — Aug 23, '08 — 12:25 PM

That is outright scary, but the question I always find myself asking while I pound my head against the wall is why is this type of insanity SO common? Why do companies routinely piss away millions or billions of dollars because no one is taught anything about usability?

This email isn't just bad, it costs them money because a huge number of people will just delete it as spam. Just amazing.

Richard Rinyai — Aug 24, '08 — 8:05 AM

Hi Mark,

It's amazing of how much money companies lose because of bad customer service. Like you said, it only took you 5 minutes to write this e-mail, yet they probably lost a customer.

Then you have to wonder how many people read this post, then they tell their friends, then those friends tell their friends. Quite a lot of bad PR!

Thanks,

Richard Rinyai
www.theprofessionalassistant.net

Ruben Timmerman — Aug 28, '08 — 12:42 PM

Nice one, what a mess... But your fixed message misses one thing, imho. Putting a noreply address as the from addres is quite unfriendly and probably costs a lot of money because people will grab the phone if it's too hard to find support via mail or online.

David Jones — Aug 28, '08 — 8:21 PM

And what's with the no-reply idea? Why shouldn't I be able to reply?

Oh, I get it. I can't reply unless I invest 20 minutes of my time on hold to your customer service representative.

(I understand that the email was automatically generated. But that's no reason why a reply to it can't hit the same human that mans the phone lines. Much easier on everyone concerned.)




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